No Matter

This past weekend, professional golf’s biennial Ryder Cup tournament between United States’ and European golfers, at Bethpage Black Golf Course, in Farmington, New York, was rocked by a controversy that overshadowed what was considered the sensational playing of the competitors.  

Shocking displays of “shameful” and “unacceptable” behavior by U.S. fans were called out by viewers and the press alike. Abusive chants and ugly confrontations against the European team were rampant. Many of those were directed at world number two golfer Rory McIlroy, of Northern Ireland, and his wife Erica, who was heckled and had beer thrown on her during the event. It caused Rory McIlroy to lose his cool at certain points in the tournament. Commentators decried the crowd’s abusive behavior and especially the misogynistic actions toward McIlroy’s wife, having never seen anything remotely this bad at any golf event. 

It appeared to many that a cultural shift has taken place, one in which it’s considered okay to throw abuse and threaten violence at one another and one in which men feel emboldened and entitled to attack women in public (much less in private) without shame or consequence. It was especially notable that Ryder Cup organizers did not escort the hecklers from the golf course and that an announcer and emcee of the tournament (a female no less) was even taunting Rory McIlroy at the first tee. She later apologized and resigned from announcing the remainder of the tournament.

The coarsening, downward evolution of the ways we speak to and about one another, especially publicly and on social media, is increasingly evident. This incident during the Ryder Cup is simply one of the multitudes of examples of how we interact against one another more and more. 

No wonder we are experiencing such disconnection and loneliness among us as human beings. No wonder we cannot have civil, constructive, and considerate conversations between us. We are losing the ability to have the deeper, more productive, and necessary dialogues that we need to have in our common lives together.

While sporting events have always had spirited rivalries between players, teams, and fans, the bonds of conventionally accepted standards of behavior, interaction, and morals, have definitely seemed to devolve downward in recent decades. Of course, we all know it’s not only in sports. It’s profoundly evident in the world of politics and political beliefs. And it’s terribly evident on social media, where many consider it to be a public cesspool that degrades and devalues people who are perceived as not like ourselves racially, religiously, and relationally.  

The fact is, it’s difficult to create deep and meaningful connections with others, and particularly so when we perceive others to be so profoundly different from us. 

But, we are more alike than we are different, we humans, if only we’d take the time to truly see. We need to look beyond the surface and exteriors of others. We need to stop labeling and stereotyping others. We need to begin to intentionally see others as having legitimate feelings, agency, dignity, and a need to be heard and known - just as we want for ourselves. We need to discover the common ground upon which we stand, looking for the common feelings and experiences that unite us all as human beings. 

One of the gifts of sports is that playing and competing in any sport is not only to have fun, but to build character. To be able to compete with our rivals fairly and by common standards of behavior and play that all of us recognize and compete within. It means playing with respect, winning graciously, and losing with dignity. But, of course, sports is also a metaphor for everyday life - in which we also do best when we act within common standards of behavior, ethics, boundaries, beliefs in one another’s worth and value in the world. 

We all live and thrive better when we recognize these common standards no matter who we are, how old we are, what gender we are, or what our origins are. 

No matter.

The world and our lives become brighter and better when we realize this truth.