Your Joy Is My Joy, Too

“You are a stud! Those guys are half your age!!!”
“Congratulations on running your way to Boston!”
“That’s amazing. Very proud of you! Lots of discipline and hard work for sure.”
“I’m really happy for you and deeply proud of you! I know you’ve worked incredibly hard to do this, and you did it! Congratulations!”

I had just finished another marathon, setting a new personal record—and, at long last—qualifying for the Boston Marathon in my age bracket. It’s a goal I’ve pursued for years, one that has required increasing resolve as the qualifying times shift and, let’s face it, as I get older.

This year, I trained with a laser-like focus. For three months, I pushed my body and my will. But I didn’t do it alone. My immediate family crewed me through the race, and my wider circle cheered me on with love and encouragement. Together, we got it done.

At Someone To Tell It To, we’re often honored to sit with people during their darkest hours—their heartbreaks, their doubts, their failures. It’s sacred work, and we don’t take it for granted. In fact, we believe the deepest connections between people are forged in those very moments of struggle and vulnerability.

But oh, how we cherish the mountaintop moments too.

We rejoice when a ‘Someone’ shares news of a long-awaited job offer after years in a toxic workplace. We celebrate the young couple who, after heartbreaking miscarriages, share their joy at a healthy pregnancy. We beam with pride when a young man passes his real estate exam on the third try. Or when a Lost Boy of Sudan—against all odds—earns his U.S. citizenship and driver’s license. Or when a formerly incarcerated man steps into the promise of a new life. Or when a Black woman is named president of an international organization, shattering yet another glass ceiling.

These moments matter.

Dr. Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston, offers a powerful lens on this in her book Atlas of the Heart. It’s become something of a sacred text for our team—a map of 87 human emotions and the language we can use to better understand one another.

In a chapter titled Where Do We Go When We Compare?, Brown introduces two German words related to joy: Schadenfreude and Freudenfreude.

Schadenfreude is the experience of taking pleasure in someone else’s misfortune. Sadly, it's all too common in our culture today. And it creates disconnection—eroding empathy, trust, and community.

But Freudenfreude—that’s where the magic is. Freudenfreude is the ability to feel joy for someone else's joy. It says, Your happiness brings me happiness. Your success feels like my success. Your joy is my joy.

And there are ways to cultivate this joy-sharing muscle.

Brown writes about an intervention developed by researchers to increase Freudenfreude through two simple, intentional practices:

• Shoy: the act of sharing joy by showing genuine interest and asking follow-up questions when someone tells you about a success.
  
  
• Bragitude: expressing gratitude to the listener after sharing a personal success, acknowledging their presence and support.
  

As Brown notes:

“When someone shares something great that’s happened to them, we can show interest and ask questions. When someone demonstrates joy when we share ours, we can express gratitude: ‘Thank you for celebrating with me. It means so much that you’re happy for me.’"

That’s what I felt as those texts came pouring in after the race. Not just congratulations—but connection. The kind that deepens relationships, creates belonging, and reminds us we’re not meant to journey alone. I responded quickly, thanking each person for sharing in my joy—for being happy with me. Their messages reminded me of the importance of doing the same for others: to show interest, to ask thoughtful questions, to truly celebrate their victories as if they were my own. What a privilege it is to rejoice together.

So today, may we be the kind of people who delight in each other’s joy.
May we practice Shoy by leaning in with curiosity and support.
May we offer Bragitude by thanking those who celebrate alongside us.
And may we never forget:
Your joy is my joy, too.

“You are a stud! Those guys are half your age!!!”
“Congratulations on running your way to Boston!”
“That’s amazing. Very proud of you! Lots of discipline and hard work for sure.”
“I’m really happy for you and deeply proud of you! I know you’ve worked incredibly hard to do this, and you did it! Congratulations!”

I had just finished another marathon, setting a new personal record—and, at long last—qualifying for the Boston Marathon in my age bracket. It’s a goal I’ve pursued for years, one that has required increasing resolve as the qualifying times shift and, let’s face it, as I get older.

This year, I trained with a laser-like focus. For three months, I pushed my body and my will. But I didn’t do it alone. My immediate family crewed me through the race, and my wider circle cheered me on with love and encouragement. Together, we got it done.

At Someone To Tell It To, we’re often honored to sit with people during their darkest hours—their heartbreaks, their doubts, their failures. It’s sacred work, and we don’t take it for granted. In fact, we believe the deepest connections between people are forged in those very moments of struggle and vulnerability.

But oh, how we cherish the mountaintop moments too.

We rejoice when a ‘Someone’ shares news of a long-awaited job offer after years in a toxic workplace. We celebrate the young couple who, after heartbreaking miscarriages, share their joy at a healthy pregnancy. We beam with pride when a young man passes his real estate exam on the third try. Or when a Lost Boy of Sudan—against all odds—earns his U.S. citizenship and driver’s license. Or when a formerly incarcerated man steps into the promise of a new life. Or when a Black woman is named president of an international organization, shattering yet another glass ceiling.

These moments matter.

Dr. Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston, offers a powerful lens on this in her book Atlas of the Heart. It’s become something of a sacred text for our team—a map of 87 human emotions and the language we can use to better understand one another.

In a chapter titled Where Do We Go When We Compare?, Brown introduces two German words related to joy: Schadenfreude and Freudenfreude.

Schadenfreude is the experience of taking pleasure in someone else’s misfortune. Sadly, it's all too common in our culture today. And it creates disconnection—eroding empathy, trust, and community.

But Freudenfreude—that’s where the magic is. Freudenfreude is the ability to feel joy for someone else's joy. It says, Your happiness brings me happiness. Your success feels like my success. Your joy is my joy.

And there are ways to cultivate this joy-sharing muscle.

Brown writes about an intervention developed by researchers to increase Freudenfreude through two simple, intentional practices:

• Shoy: the act of sharing joy by showing genuine interest and asking follow-up questions when someone tells you about a success.
  
  
• Bragitude: expressing gratitude to the listener after sharing a personal success, acknowledging their presence and support.
  
  

As Brown notes:

“When someone shares something great that’s happened to them, we can show interest and ask questions. When someone demonstrates joy when we share ours, we can express gratitude: ‘Thank you for celebrating with me. It means so much that you’re happy for me.’”

That’s what I felt as those texts came pouring in after the race. Not just congratulations—but connection. The kind that deepens relationships, creates belonging, and reminds us we’re not meant to journey alone. I responded quickly, thanking each person for sharing in my joy—for being happy with me. Their messages reminded me of the importance of doing the same for others: to show interest, to ask thoughtful questions, to truly celebrate their victories as if they were my own. What a privilege it is to rejoice together.

So today, may we be the kind of people who delight in each other’s joy.
May we practice Shoy by leaning in with curiosity and support.
May we offer Bragitude by thanking those who celebrate alongside us.
And may we never forget:
Your joy is my joy, too.

Blog Written by Tom Kaden | Photo by Jorgen Hendriksen on Unsplash