For the Common Good

Last week, for the Someone To Tell It To Podcast, we had a conversation with our guest, Pennsylvania State Senator Patty Kim, who made history in November 2025, as the first Asian-American woman to be elected to that position. Senator Kim was gracious, thoughtful, and ultimately quite vulnerable, early in the podcast. When she shared this, the direction of the conversation quickly shifted to be more personal and internal:

“An introvert in an extroverted world, I stand out.” 

We do live in an extroverted world, as she stated. Many estimates state that around 75% of the population are extroverts. Only 25% are introverts. Senator Kim expressed how uncomfortable it can feel in large group settings, how small talk is hard to make, and how it’s awkward and difficult for her. A political figure’s job requires a lot of time with larger groups of people they don't know. As much as she likes the public service aspect of her work and the positive difference her service makes in people’s lives, the senator doesn’t like the expected public expectation of constant meeting-and-greeting and always being in public so much of the time. As it does for most introverts, it drains her and takes longer to bounce back from what it takes out of her each time she has to put herself in public so often.

That part is often hard for political figures to admit. After all, they are usually expected to be very social, quick to talk and to express themselves, and to be often heard and seen.

But Patty Kim is different. Being different and in the minority - racially, gender-wise, and temperamentally - is not always comfortable. She feels as if many of her colleagues don’t know exactly what to do with her. In an alpha dog profession, the quieter voices don’t always get heard. Much less listened to, considered, and respected.

Senator Kim strives to change that.

She believes that, “introverts are better leaders because we listen, because we feel more, because we’re more observers, instead of wanting to say it loud and first.”

We who lead Someone To Tell It To believe there’s something particularly insightful about her belief. 

We believe that listening well and with intention is the strongest leadership - and personal relationship - skill that everyone needs.

The fact is that most of Someone To Tell It To’s leaders and listeners are also introverts. Introverts do listen more intentionally, more organically, more naturally. In being slower to respond, we give others the space they need to express themselves. The more space they have, the more we can learn about them and what they need and who they truly are. You have to be comfortable with waiting, with not interrupting, with noticing the non-verbal cues and communication that others express. That is how we learn more about one another.

It’s not to say that extroverts can’t and don’t listen well. Many, many can and do. Yet, it’s not always as natural to them as it is for introverts. And, of course, not every introvert is a good listener, either. It’s actually hard work to listen well and to observe first, rather than react verbally first and often. 

I am an introvert. And I’ve also been in an extroverted professional life most of my career. Like Senator Kim, I've often felt somewhat lonely and isolated, different, in this extroverted world. I’ve felt overlooked, not considered a lot of the time. There were times I’ve been penalized for my introversion, for listening more than others do. I’ve written about this experience before:

As a high school senior, I had a class called, “Problems of Democracy”.  Our grades were 100 percent based on our class participation. No tests, no papers to write. The grade depended totally on how much we talked. Not necessarily how thoughtfully we talked. Just how much. I loved the topic and the potential for the conversations to thoughtfully consider and explore how our democracy works, or doesn’t, and how it could be better and positively affect the world.

Yet, as an introvert, I hardly ever got a word in during the class discussions. The most talkative classmates lived up to their expectations. They talked a lot, vying for the “A’s”. It didn’t seem to matter how cogent or credible their opinions were, just that they were quickest and loudest in their expressions. 

At the end of the first marking period, I received a “D” in the class. I didn’t get an “F” simply because I showed up in the class every day. I was there. But I couldn’t easily compete with those who were most verbally assertive. Listening well was not rewarded in that class. It wasn’t in many classes. That class was designed for extroverts, which I was not. It was all the more frustrating and grating to me because I went on to college to get a degree in government and public service. The problems - and attributes - of democracy were more important and of value to me than probably anyone else in that class. But the way the class was designed, most likely no one back then knew that about me. 

I’ve learned to speak up more since I was 16 and 17. But I still will most always listen more than I speak, unless I’m given the floor and the specific time to expound on a topic. I’ve had to learn to navigate successfully in an extroverted world. But it’s draining and uncomfortable and awkward-feeling a lot of the time. I can feel what Senator Kim might feel in her role as a public servant.

I will always do my best to listen first. I believe that it is essential to be a good leader, colleague, husband, father, son, brother, and friend.

Good listening still doesn’t have the respect it deserves and the intentional practice it takes to be valued as the most essential relationship skill. But we keep trying to teach, to inspire, and to - most significantly - to model what good listening is and how effective it can be. 

For positive change. For the common good. For a decidedly better culture and world.