It's All So Very Human

I’m a mess.

I’m so sorry.

I’ve never told this to anyone else - ever - before.

We can’t begin to count the number of times we’ve heard each of these statements before. In our listening to the telling of Someone’s most personal and intimate stories, these phrases come up over and over again.

I’m a mess. I’ve never felt like this before. This loss has completely knocked me down. Even though I knew it would come one day. I just never could have imagined it would feel like this.

I’m so sorry for crying. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. But I can’t stop it. I didn’t want to fall apart like this. I’m really sorry. 

I’ve never told this to anyone else - ever - before. I’ve been scared to talk about it. I’m afraid I’ll be judged, that people will think I’m bad, ridiculous, a jerk. I hope you won’t judge me. 

It breaks our hearts to hear these words. But we’ve heard them often. And for each exclamation we say …

… It’s normal. Feeling this way only makes you a human. It’s okay to feel this way. Who could blame you? The loss of your wife after all these years is bound to knock you off your equilibrium like it has. To lose what you shared together is really hard. We can’t imagine how painful it is for you. But we want you to know it’s no surprise that you’re feeling this way. We know her passing really hurts.

… You don’t have to apologize for crying. Not at all. You’re crying because what happened to you is painful. It’s a normal reaction to what you’ve been going through. We’re so sorry that it’s been like this for all this time. It’s natural to cry when you’ve been struggling for so long. Your tears are a release valve for your feelings and emotions. We hope they will be a healing balm for your unsettled spirit. 

That you’ve held it inside for so long, is incredible. It’s impossible for us to know how challenging that’s been for you. But whatever you need to tell us, we want you to know that it’s okay to say it. We love the phrase that Mister Rogers always said: ‘Whatever is mentionable is manageable.’ We won’t judge you or condemn you. And anything you say is safe with us. We’ll never share it with anyone unless you tell us to. And we know that being able to share something so deep and personal, and feel safe in doing it, will lift a burden that you never realized was as heavy as it is. 

We simply want others to know that when they come to us and our compassionate listeners, they will be in a safe space - where the messiness of life, their tears, and their difficult confessions are nothing to be ashamed of. It's all so very human.

We all need that safety to mention our pain, our sorrows, our regrets, our disappointments, and our fears. And in the mentioning, we know - because we see it happen every day - that all of it can begin to become manageable, so that peace can come, clarity can be found, and healing can begin to happen for all of us who need it, no matter who we are. 

Photo by Jeremy Wong on Unsplash